Days of Her Life
by Mademoiselle Non
Summary: Arwen as you've never seen her before. Going by Tolkien's Bible and using my annoying imagination. AU to an extent.


Days of Her Life

The stunning Arwen Undómiel was the only girl born to Elrond Half-Elven and Celebrían in Third Age 241 (a very good year for vintage mirúvor). They were so astounded by their good fortune that they immediately began hollering to anyone who'd listen that this was Lúthien's one-off reincarnation. (Lúthien, wherever the hell she was at that point, was really unamused. Neither was Arwen the moment she turned 85.This resulted in intense therapy and Arwen biting anyone who mentioned she was identical to Lúthien.) Elladan and Elrohir loved having a baby sister. They perfected the art of practical jokes and when Arwen's hair got long enough, she perfected the art of choking them when they were least expecting it.

Some time passed and Arwen spent it bouncing around the gardens and pigging out on chocolate. Celebrían howled something about her baby girl losing her figure but Galadriel gave her a look that promptly shut her daughter up. It was no wonder that Arwen always had more fun with her grandmother because she could braid her hair while Celebrían preferred to do her own.

Arwen had her first breakdown when Celebrían went for a ride one day and stumbled on the orcs' tea party. They decided it'd be impolite to not invite her and insisted she join them. Celebrían obviously misunderstood and hurried home. The orcs were quite upset and tried to have her stay. As a result, Celebrían of the silver hair fell off her horse and got her favourite dress dirty. The orcs offered to dry-clean it but she was inconsolable. Elrond did everything he could to help her but his dear wife simply could not stop moping. She kept insisting that this particular brand of silk was no longer manufactured as the silk worms of Angmar died out. In the end she decided to troop off to the Gray Havens as Yavanna had promised her that bloody dress. Off went Celebrían and Arwen suddenly really missed her nana. She decided to visit with Gramma and bounced off to Lórien.

Even more time passed during which Imladris saw several changes (i.e.: Elrond almost killing Glorfindel for painting the dining room pink - he preferred lilac, and Gilraen coming for a rather extended visit.) The visit in question ended up with the old girl kicking the bucket, leaving behind a little pookie by the name of Aragorn. Elrond flipped as he hated babysitting and decided to drag Arwen over. It was time she learned how to change diapers anyway. Arwen gave him a look that made Elrond reconsider giving his daughter a direct order ever again.

Three decades down the road, Arwen had enough of Lórien and came back to Home Sweet Home. Everyone was overjoyed and gave Arwen lots of presents. She decided to go away more often but then something happened to change her mind. She was strolling through the gardens and suddenly stumbled on someone who really caught her eye. Pookie had grown up and was now quite edible. Arwen was very impressed and regretted somewhat not changing his diapers in the past. After a very nice chat, Arwen decided she was in love forever and ever, amen, and went of to find Daddy-o. Elrond was quite sceptical of his daughter's choice (prophesy be damned!) and assured her she'd grow out of it. Arwen told him that Pookie compared her to Lúthien and she didn't kill him. Elrond went to harass Aragorn and send him off to become a king or something else equally respectable before he came round courting his daughter again.

Arwen was as pissed as Melkor when he saw his reflection when she found out what Elrond had done. She didn't talk to him for 2 years but then he gave her hair extensions and she reconsidered giving him another chance. Days went on and on and on and finally Aragorn trooped back in full Ranger regalia (didn't Elrond say "KING!", not a bum?) including the manly scruffiness. Arwen took one look at him and dragged him off to her bathroom. The specifics really aren't necessary here but needless to say, they were inseparable since that moment.

Of course the bloody Ring had to roll around about that time. Arwen heard about it quite by accident and decided to contribute to the cause by running off to save a cute l'il midget. Nevertheless, Glorfindel got lucky for once and beat her to it. The cute l'il midget arrived safely with his entourage to Rivendell. Everyone was quite proud of Glorfindel; now he could talk about something else other than the Balrog. Arwen hit him on the head with a slipper. Later on, the cute l'il midget assured her that he'd much rather be saved by her than a fool, who could only talk of pink dining rooms. This earned Frodo a permanent place in Arwen's heart.

Aragorn being the conscientious little mortal he was, absolutely had to join the Fellowship. Arwen begged Legolas to keep an eye on him and spot him shampoo once in a while. To prove how much she loved Pookie, she gave him her favourite necklace. At first Estel was quite appreciative but after a serious talk from Elrond ("you break her heart, I break your legs"), decided to give it back. Arwen got the little girl lost look and with a voice that didn't match the look told him to keep it if he knew what was good for him.

The Fellowship dragged on, Elrond got more and more annoyed and his ESP conversations with Nana-in-Law increased. Arwen moped about and could find nothing to interest herself in. Even making Elladan eat a frog by convincing him that it was chicken did nothing for her spirits. She was feeling very meh all the time and constantly howled about the fact that she couldn't actually get sick. Elrond really freaked out and tried to distract his daughter by putting her to embroider something or other. Arwen proved she was all woman (well, all-Elf at that point anyway) by making a banner that made Nienor weep even more and FedExed it to Aragorn via the twins. Estel felt very loved and rushed to bring Sauron down as soon as possible. He succeeded...kind of...sort of....with the help of cute l'il midgets, a blond sidekick with perfect hair, and another midget with a beard. Off went the Ring and Sauron, in came Arwen in a bridal gown.

They got married and lived happily ever after. A cute little pookie finally made an entrance, followed by two adorable baby girls. Aragorn (now known as Elessar - he had a split-personality disorder but Arwen managed to keep it hidden) worshipped the ground his now mortal wife (yup, she made Lúthien's mistake as well) trod upon and Arwen loved him right back. Then in the Fourth Age 121 he died and Arwen thought she was going to kill him for beating her to it. That same winter she went off to murder him in after-life.


End file.
